It genuinely saddens me that becoming a state certified elementary school teacher is about as difficult as wiping your own ass in the dark. The overwhelming majority of people I've come across in my Elem Ed program are practically poster children for teaching kids to not take candy from strangers. Every class I sit through is an exercise in not succumbing to my more base instincts like punching throats and cutting faces. At one point I remember my classes were so frustratingly awful that at the conclusion of a school day I'd rank how bad it was by where on my body I felt like shooting myself. On a scale of "my foot" to "my genitals" I had far too many weeks where it felt like my ball-sack owed me money and slept with my wife.
There have been a good number of times when people have expressed disbelief in my claims of bearing witness to the final portents of the coming End of Days and I completely understand why. I have a penchant for the dramatic when it comes to the written word so it makes a certain amount of sense that individuals would question my assertion that my classmates should be beaten and sterilized. In response to said doubt I present the following example of just how special and life affirming my classmates can be.
Below is an email exchange between myself and a lovely young lady from one of my classes. To give this conversation some context two days prior was our last class of the semester. For our final project we were to have prepared a science based lesson plan for our preferred elementary grade and present the lesson to our class. I've made it a policy to cause as little friction as I can when in school as nothing is more ferocious then a blood thirsty pack of raging mouth breathers that have been insulted using words consisting of more than two syllables. When Ms. Angry&Confused presented her lesson on how "sound waves move through sound" (yes, you did read that correctly) and the time came for audience critiquing I suggested some books she could check out to give her ways to present more factual information to kindergarteners (her preferred grade). Fast forward two days and she sends out two emails less than an hour apart asking if anyone had received final grades for the class. I thought that I was being kind and helpful in providing some direction to the wayward lass, and with that I leave you to judge for yourselves...
*aside from names and dates all of the following text and punctuation (or lack thereof) has been (hilariously) unaltered.
On Sun, Angry&Confused wrote:
did any one get grades let me know thanks
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On Sun, That Guy wrote:
If you don't see them on Blackboard or the school website they haven't been posted yet. I'd say check around the beginning of this coming week for them.
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On Sun, Angry&Confused wrote:
Thank You But I'm aware Of How To Find The Grades I wanted to Know If ANYONE received Their GRADES as of YET thank you just the same for the information
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On Sun, That Guy wrote:
And that's why I said in GENERAL if they haven't been posted there for yourself then NO ONE has received them since they are all put into the system at the same time by the professor. Sorry if that wasn't CLEAR.
Writing in all caps is FUN! :)
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On Sun, Angry&Confused wrote:
In GENERAL thanks again for your help but I WAS NOT TALKING about anything that you are putting in these EMAILS and no everyone DON'T get the grades at the same time if they owe money and in some cases they may not be able to see their grades this is not a tech problem i'm aware of how to get grades IN GENERAL I wanted to know Who got GRADES SINCE MY COMPUTER WAS ACTING UP but I didn't know that I had to put that in this DARN email. MAYBE NOW I AM CLEAR FOR WHOEVER MAY NEED TO KNOW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT AND FOR THE PEOPLE WHO GAVE ME A REPLY TO WHO GOT GRADES THANK YOU I DID NOT NEED NO OTHER QUESTIONS ANSWERED.
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On Sun, That Guy wrote:
You're a big fan of capital letters I see. It's cute. Stick with it.
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On Sun, Angry&Confused wrote:
First of all grow the hell up because right about now you're about to get your ass cursed out the information you gave like I said was not needed that wasn't the information I was looking for grow the hell up and find something else to do with your damn time you're a smart ass alec in class don't come with this shit out of class cause i'm not for it I thanked you for the infomation that I didn't the hell need so that was it the back and forth was not needed so go head with the extra bull shit like I said In general it's to damn hot for all the extra that you're doing right now. Yes we all are aware that you know every damn thing but in this case what you knew did not the hell help me PLEASE don't the hell email me no more with the nonsense or the bull shit. I don't feel like it now I'm trying to be nice so quit while I'm letting you be ahead. TRUST ME it's to damn hot to be cursed the hell out
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On Sun, That Guy wrote:
#1) Sorry that I seem to have offended you with my original attempt at answering your first question. I hope the email the professor just sent out explaining the situation with our grades clears everything up for you.
#2) Glad to hear that my presence, intelligence, and enthusiasm for learning are noticed and appreciated during class. Thanks for the words of kindness! :)
#3) Yes, I do trust that you would never resort to such drastic and childish measures for displaying your anger towards me by using profanity.
Hope the weekend has been treating you well!
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On Sun, Angry&Confused wrote:
What was childish was you being smart as always and I asked you not to email me
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On Sun, That Guy wrote:
Noted. You will not receive another email from me again I promise. Have a good rest of the weekend :)
did any one get grades let me know thanks
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On Sun, That Guy wrote:
If you don't see them on Blackboard or the school website they haven't been posted yet. I'd say check around the beginning of this coming week for them.
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On Sun, Angry&Confused wrote:
Thank You But I'm aware Of How To Find The Grades I wanted to Know If ANYONE received Their GRADES as of YET thank you just the same for the information
-------
On Sun, That Guy wrote:
And that's why I said in GENERAL if they haven't been posted there for yourself then NO ONE has received them since they are all put into the system at the same time by the professor. Sorry if that wasn't CLEAR.
Writing in all caps is FUN! :)
-------
On Sun, Angry&Confused wrote:
In GENERAL thanks again for your help but I WAS NOT TALKING about anything that you are putting in these EMAILS and no everyone DON'T get the grades at the same time if they owe money and in some cases they may not be able to see their grades this is not a tech problem i'm aware of how to get grades IN GENERAL I wanted to know Who got GRADES SINCE MY COMPUTER WAS ACTING UP but I didn't know that I had to put that in this DARN email. MAYBE NOW I AM CLEAR FOR WHOEVER MAY NEED TO KNOW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT AND FOR THE PEOPLE WHO GAVE ME A REPLY TO WHO GOT GRADES THANK YOU I DID NOT NEED NO OTHER QUESTIONS ANSWERED.
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On Sun, That Guy wrote:
You're a big fan of capital letters I see. It's cute. Stick with it.
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On Sun, Angry&Confused wrote:
First of all grow the hell up because right about now you're about to get your ass cursed out the information you gave like I said was not needed that wasn't the information I was looking for grow the hell up and find something else to do with your damn time you're a smart ass alec in class don't come with this shit out of class cause i'm not for it I thanked you for the infomation that I didn't the hell need so that was it the back and forth was not needed so go head with the extra bull shit like I said In general it's to damn hot for all the extra that you're doing right now. Yes we all are aware that you know every damn thing but in this case what you knew did not the hell help me PLEASE don't the hell email me no more with the nonsense or the bull shit. I don't feel like it now I'm trying to be nice so quit while I'm letting you be ahead. TRUST ME it's to damn hot to be cursed the hell out
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On Sun, That Guy wrote:
#1) Sorry that I seem to have offended you with my original attempt at answering your first question. I hope the email the professor just sent out explaining the situation with our grades clears everything up for you.
#2) Glad to hear that my presence, intelligence, and enthusiasm for learning are noticed and appreciated during class. Thanks for the words of kindness! :)
#3) Yes, I do trust that you would never resort to such drastic and childish measures for displaying your anger towards me by using profanity.
Hope the weekend has been treating you well!
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On Sun, Angry&Confused wrote:
What was childish was you being smart as always and I asked you not to email me
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On Sun, That Guy wrote:
Noted. You will not receive another email from me again I promise. Have a good rest of the weekend :)
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I hate to say I told ya so... Wait, no I don't :)
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