Hello World

Today I discovered that I can fit my kitten's entire head into my mouth.  The events leading up to this spectacular discovery involved one morning too many of being woken up at the ass crack of dawn by her incessant cuteness and need to remind me that if my hands are not rubbing her ears then why the hell do I even have them?  Hopefully her saliva covered cranium and my dislocated jaw will serve as potent reminders that Daddy shouldn't be woken up in the middle of a dream involving tacos, vanilla snack packs, and Megan Fox.  But I digress...

Welcome to I Heart People!  It's become an almost daily occurrence where I find myself holding rather intense conversations with my inner dialogue.  These exchanges typically revolve around what should be done about the blatantly obvious ignorance, hypocrisy, and stupidity of those individuals who have defied Darwin and managed to master bipedal self propulsion let alone coherent thought.  I've decided that instead of walking around looking like that old schizophrenic guy you see outside of ghetto gas stations I should put my thoughts to paper, digital or otherwise, and share them with the digital world.  Thanks to an overinflated sense of self worth and the proddings of my man & woman servants (aka: good friends) my testament to mouth breathers around the world has thusly been created.

As with the vast majority of ideas that I cobble together under the influence of absinthe and the souls of the innocent this blog will most likely de/evolve into whatever it is that tickles my fancy in a given moment.  While I will not endeavor to be overtly offensive and/or insulting there will be times (pretty much all of them) when my idea of the truth may rub some people the wrong way like thoughts of your grandparents during intimate moments.  I'd apologize for this if I thought it were in any way necessary (I am sorry about making you think of your grams...well... you know) but let's face reality for a moment.  Opinions are like thoughts of exacting revenge on a middle school bully; everybody has them.  If you were the one being bullied you will probably enthusiastically embrace, respect, and share the fanciful machinations I post here no matter the disturbingly specific details you've dreamt up on your own time.  If you were the bully and are offended by my compositional meanderings I'm sorry that you suck and I sincerely hope you've successfully worked through all of your daddy and gender identity issues.  If you rode the short bus and do not understand this analogy... actually there's no need for me to finish that statement as if you were the owner of an in-house-safety helmet your brain would have already imploded upon seeing my prior use of a semicolon or getting four sentences deep and discovering this blog isn't about animal mutilation.

I'm a big fan of run-on sentences.  Learn to love em'.

Anyways I hope you enjoy the show that shall commence as much as I enjoy being inspired regularly by people who should've been one "you have a condom, right?" query away from ever existing in the first place.

Toodles!